Blooming Where You Are Planted

I spoke in church today. The topic I was assigned was "Bloom Where You Are Planted". Hmmm, look at the name of this blog... 

I feel like I've been working hard to blossom. I'm loving being a homeowner. I love looking at my bird feeders from my kitchen table (which I can see as I type). I love the flowers in front and the garden in back. I love watering them an watching them grow. I love it when my dad says, "I love the way this house feels like Tamara". I love having people over and sharing food with them. I love my quiet alone time too. I love having my lawn mowed by the kid in my neighborhood I got to church with. I love finding new projects to work on. It's all around a good experience for me. 

Here is the rough draft of my talk at church today. Of course you'll miss some of my witty on the fly comments and additions.  

"Yesterday on the radio I heard a 30 something asked what he would wish his 50 or 60 yr old self to remember. He said, “Live in the way that is, not the way that should be”.

In my current circumstance, Blooming Where I’m planted means being happy as a single growing daisy when I want to be one of those intertwined hibiscus in a fancy pot. Let me address what it is like to be a single woman in the church, blooming where I’m planted, and then relate it back to all of us members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints striving for a eternal life.

In February 2016 Ensign Elder Oaks gave a fantastic analogy.

“The situation of a Church member who is single can be illustrated by a simple analogy. Imagine that your favorite hobby is stargazing and you’ve just joined a stargazing club. You come to your first club activity eager to participate. It’s a cold night, but you’re not concerned: most of the club members are wearing club jackets, and you’ve been told you should be able to get one as well. But there is no jacket for you. You ask about it, and you are told to keep looking and that if you do your best, you will find a jacket when the time is right.

“Meanwhile, you are getting pretty cold and a little worried. And you notice that most of the other club members are talking about how nice and warm their jackets are. In fact, throughout the evening the topic surfaces continually in various forms: how to wash and dry your jacket, how to add extra pockets, how to mend it, and so forth. Some of the club members notice you don’t have a jacket. ‘You really need a jacket for these activities,’ they tell you. ‘Why don’t you have one yet?’

“… This analogy … serve[s] to show how awkward it can sometimes feel to be a single member of a conventional ward.”¹

Fortunately, there are family wards in which single members feel included and know that their contributions are valued. I hope this is true in all of our residential stakes.

President Hinckely, in a Single Adult Fireside in 1989 said the following addressing singles-

Quote 1: “Somehow we have put a badge on a very important group in the Church. It reads “Singles.” I wish we would not do that. You are individuals, men and women, sons and daughters of God, not a mass of “look-alikes” or “do-alikes.” Because you do not happen to be married does not make you essentially different from others. All of us are very much alike in appearance and emotional responses, in our capacity to think, to reason, to be miserable, to be happy, to love and be loved.”

Quote 2-“Permit me now to say a word to those who have never had the opportunity to be married. I assure you that we are sensitive to the loneliness that many of you feel. Loneliness is a bitter and painful thing. I suppose all people have felt it at one time or another. Our hearts reach out to you with understanding and love. We do not pity you, for you do not want pity. You want opportunity and challenge and appreciation.”

Story-

“Many years ago I had a secretary who one morning was plainly in a bad mood. I said, “Something’s wrong. Can I help?”

She burst into tears and said, “It’s my birthday. I am thirty-five today. What do I have to show for it?—a job, yes, but no husband, no children, nothing of consequence.”

I replied, “So, you’re thirty-five? Happy birthday! According to actuarial tables you have more years ahead of you than you have behind you. Now with all you’ve learned over these thirty-five years, you can build and grow and live a wonderful and productive and happy life. Lift your head. Smile and be happy and go forward.”

Her dour face finally broke into a pleasant smile. I guess it was about five years later that she married, had a child, and did many interesting and productive things. Thirty-five is not the end of life nor of the world. Neither is forty or fifty or sixty. As Madame Curie, the great scientist, said, “So little time and so much to do.”

Quote 4- You are needed. There are young people to be taught in the organizations of the Church. Refine your skills. Accept every challenge and assignment. Put time and effort into the preparation of your lessons. Keep your spiritual batteries at full charge and light the lamps of others. It is better to light one candle than to curse the dark.

He goes on to speak specifically to widows, the divorced, and single parents. 

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In the same article I quoted Elder Oaks from his wife Kristen offered her own advice. She was not married until age 53.

Kristin Oaks Friend-“I told the Lord that I had covenanted with Him, and however He wanted to use me to build the kingdom, I would accept. This perspective made me stronger and more patient. I began to feel Heavenly Father’s direction much more in my life. Of course, I still wanted my blessings, but I wanted to [receive them] on the Lord’s timetable.”

She decided to do three things. What I like about these three things is it is applicable to any member, married or single.

1._ made adjustments- she involved herself in the ward with things like setting up or clean up, and cooking.

2.) changed her scripture study- her focus was learning how the Lord spoke to her personally.

“By studying the scriptures, we see how He operates and talks to us. We can’t differentiate the counterfeit voices around us unless we are familiar with His word. The Lord can speak personally to us, provide protection, and direct us to build His kingdom.”

3.) changed her prayers-  she prayed for an eternal perspective and asked for opportunities to serve.

She changed her question of – Am I doing something wrong? To… “what can I do more of that is right?”

“During my wait on the Lord and through life experiences—both trying and joyous—I learned how much our Heavenly Father loves us and how much He delights to bless and protect us. I came to know that this Church is not simply a church; it is the Lord’s kingdom on earth. I came to realize more fully the power of our Savior’s Atonement and the wisdom of King Benjamin’s words: “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” 

I hate to say I suffer as a single person. I mean I do after all get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I can workout whenever I want, and I can read for hours. But it can be a struggle, and it can be lonely.  It is however no bigger or more significant then anyone else’s struggle or sufferings…. Broken families, divorce, miscarriages, disability, caring for ailing parents, struggling with a testimony, addiction, struggling with weight, loosing a job, living 1000’s miles of away from family, and on and on and on.   Sister Oaks advice applies to everyone who is struggling to bloom in the ground where you might not want to be planted in.  Not, Am I doing something wrong? but… “what can I do more of that is right?”

President Uchtdorf had something to say about blooming where you are planted in a 2005 address to a BYU woman’s conference.

After relaying stories of his families journey to joining the church in a war tore Germany in WWII, he said,

“How grateful I am to these two women of the Church—my grandmother and my mother! They are true modern-day pioneers! They went before and ventured into new spiritual territory. They helped me to gain a testimony of the restored Church of Jesus Christ. They had faith, and they radiated love to a little boy, even in places and times of darkness, despair, and coldness.

The light of the gospel, bright as the sun, lighted up their life in these challenging times. And then in return, the warmth of their light and example helped me to feel secure and well grounded in the principles of the gospel.

I share these very personal experiences with you, hoping to impress upon you that wherever you live, whatever circumstances you live in, whatever your background or challenges might be, the gospel light has the power and purpose to bring blessings into your life and into the lives of those placed in your path. The gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored to bring blessings to our Heavenly Father’s children. You are planted in your country, your community, your family to facilitate these blessings. I urge you to bloom where you are planted!

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I testify that the key to blooming is living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And the key to living the Gospel of Jesus Christ is loosing ourselves in the service of others. Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."