Relief Society

I am a member of the Relief Society of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, one of the largest and oldest women's organization in the world. If you want to understand how important women are, how much their leadership is valued, and how powerful a woman's influence can be, then check out this amazing clip put out by Deseret Books.  Next General Women's Worldwide Meeting to be held March 29th. https://www.lds.org/church/events/general-womens-meeting-a-gathering-of-worldwide-sisterhood?lang=eng


                    

Lessons from Baking Bread, Rebekah & Crying Hopefully Romantic Men

 

Two weeks ago a patient of mine came into the clinic. I had treated her in the past. I was sharing with her some things that I am working on this year, one of which is learning how to bake bread. Immediately after telling her this she commented, so you still don't have a boyfriend do you? I confirmed with her that no, I in fact you do not have a boyfriend. To which she continued by saying, you must not be trying hard enough. On the inside I was a combination of exasperated frustration, and wanting to leave the room and go cry somewhere. Somehow instead I mustered up the statement, it's not about trying, it's about timing.  I realize I let her get under my skin, because I told a lot of people the story and it really bugged me. 

Today in Sunday School we talked about Genesis Chapter 24. The title of the lesson was big and dramatic- The Marriage Covenant

I thought to myself before it started, ok, let's see where this is gonna go and how I'll emotionally respond. Have no fear, Heather Staker did a brilliant job with how she choose to go about teaching the lesson. First we had participants read out the dialog of the chapter. First Abraham sent his servant out of the land of Canaan in search of a covenant  keeping woman for his son Issac. The Canaanites were idol worshipers and that would not do for a wife of his only child born in the covenant, destined to be the mother of millions in the House of Israel. 

Lesson #1, Marriage under the covenant, on the Lord's terms, is the most important pursuit in seeking a spouse. 

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Next the servant went to the land of Abraham's kindred. Every step of the way the servant prayed. He didn't just ask the Lord to show him the way, he brought to the table a plan. As a class member pointed out, it was much like the brother of Jared in Ether. (Ether 2:25, 3:1-6) 

"14 And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast ^aappointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.  15 ¶And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out..."

Before the servant had even finished praying, Rebekah came to the well, and she proceeded to do exactly what the servant had prayed for. 

Lesson # 2 Life's path should be directed by first faith to be led, and then by works. 

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Rebekah was in the right place at the right time, and that place meant she was about serving. I don't think Rebekah went to the well to find a husband. She was simply being who she was, a women with a routine task, but she went the extra mile.

18 And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.

 19 And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.

 20 And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels

 

Lesson #3 Being in the right place, at the right time is key.  

 

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The servant finds out that Rebekah is not only the answer to his prayer, but she is of Abraham's kindred. She is just the woman he was sent to find. And before he runs off to meet her family and explain the situation, he stops to thank the Lord. 

26 And the man ^abowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord.

 27 And he said, Blessed be the ^aLord God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his ^bmercy and his truth: I being in the way, the Lord ^cled me to the house of my master’s brethren.

Lesson #4 Give thanks in all things. 

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The servant meets the family and tells him the story of how he ended up at that well with all his camels and why she showered her with jewelry. He tells him he was sent on a special errand and directed by angels. He asks the family if they will agree to the marriage arrangement for Rebekah and Issac. I love the family's response:

49 And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left.

 50 Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the Lord: we cannot ^aspeak unto thee bad or good.

Lesson #5 If you receive confirmation that something is of the Lord, then proceed on!  

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They celebrate, a possible dowry is shared, and it is a joyous occasion. 

Then the servant drops a bombshell. 

56 And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the Lord hath ^aprospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.

 57 And they said, We will call the damsel, and inquire at her mouth.

 58 And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.

The servant wanted to take her back immediately. What a test of faith! A class member today pointed out a few things possible things about Rebekah.  First, the family turned to her to answer if she wanted to go. That must mean she was an independently strong woman and the family respected her opinion and perspective. Second, though we don't have a lot of details it appears she said yes without hesitation. Perhaps Rebekah had received her own personal revelation concerning the matter before the servant had ever arrived, or that night after the celebration. 

Lesson #5 Seek Personal Revelation 

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60 And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the ^amother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the ^bgate of those which ^chate them.

 

Rebekah was chosen to be the mother of thousands of millions prior to ever having children. (Just like Eve) I think a woman like that most certainly had personal revelation concerning the life she chose to accept. 

Now the rest of the story is one for the romantics. 

63 And Isaac went out to ^ameditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.

 64 And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, ^ashe lighted off the camel.

 65 For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a veil, and covered herself.

 66 And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done.

 67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was ^acomforted after his mother’s ^bdeath.

Issac was out mediating in the evening. He was probably wondering what the Lord had in store for him. Who would the servant bring back or would he even find someone to bring back? He waited anxiously. Then there is Rebekah, she must have been nervous or anxious herself. She agreed to marry a man she didn't know. Yet she took her choice seriously and she chose to be happy about it. She saw this man and jumped off her camel. She became his wife, and they loved each other.  

Lesson #6 Choose happiness, light off your camel at the anticipation of happy moments and good things go come. 

The teacher ended the lesson by talking another bridegroom, the Savior Jesus Christ. Not all stories have the ending that Issac and Rebekah's did. Some marriages are a struggle, and life can get brutal and heart-wrenching. Our relationship with Christ in the analogy of a marriage is applicable to all. There can be peace and joy found in Him. I really like that addition to the lesson. 

I digress...Rebekah and Issac... their love was foreordained in the realms before the earth was created, can I ever expect such a thing for myself?  Oh I can! Today in sacrament meeting the first speaker was introducing himself and his wife. He was a little nervous and he started to tell the story of how he met his wife. All of the sudden this man starts crying from the pulpit. He starts crying at the moment he gets to the story where the girl his friends has been talking up for him to meet come into the room. The moment she walked in the room, he knew something big was about to happen in his life and he wanted to be with this girl. It was a tender moment, this man was in front of 150+ people totally vulnerable, crying at the memory of meeting the love of his life for the first time. Maybe that is not how my own personal story will go, but it sure was nice to hear that man's story and have a moment of hopefully romantic wishes. 

It's all about timing, not about trying. 

And in the meantime, I get to go out to dinner with friends and get powdered sugar all over my face and laugh the evening away. 

Power Part II, The Follow Up

In my previous post Power! I Want More!, I mentioned an article in the New York times that I commented on. This week I received the following email:

"Dear all,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt, memorable comments on our story. We were thrilled to hear from people with such a diverse set of viewpoints.

We were struck by the fairly broad agreement that the church could do more to use women's talents and make sure that single women do not feel left out, including from commenters who do not believe that women should have the priesthood. This is in line with what church officials told us about their desire to be inclusive.

So we're going to do a short follow up story on the question: what adjustments would you like the church to make when it comes to gender roles? 

If you're game, Laurie and I would love to hear from you today with answers to any or all following questions:

1) What sort of formal or informal changes would you like to see in women's roles in the church, from the worldwide to the local level? Please be as specific as you can. If you are in the majority of Mormons who do not want to see women ordained, you might have concrete suggestions re: education, non-priesthood tasks, new ways for women to contribute, etc.

2) Tell us a story of something going very right or very wrong in how a women was treated by the church. Either an instance of the kind of treatment you want to see changed or a story that you see as a positive example.

3) What should the church do to address the issue of single women? Meaning, the unmarried women who feel left out of a family-centric church and the worry that by age 40 there are more eligible women than men in the church.

We greatly prefer to use names, but if you need anonymity, just say so (but we still need to privately verify who you are.) If you are willing to be quoted by name, please include your age, city/state and occupation as well. Email is fine, or if you'd rather talk by phone, send your number. We aim to publish this soon so please get in touch quickly. 

 

Feel free to forward this message and thank you again for an enlightening, moving conversation.

Yours,

Jodi Kantor and Laurie Goodstein"

 

 

I responded to question 1 and 3. I then received another email with the follow up article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/07/us/from-mormon-women-a-flood-of-requests-and-questions-on-their-role-in-the-church.html?ref=us&_r=0 

 

Since this follow up article reflected nothing close to my own personal perspective and experience, or my response, and since I have a blog, I get to share my response to question 1 and 3 here! 

 

1.) I am of the majority of woman who does not want to see women ordained to the Priesthood. I believe that men and women were created with divinely different roles in this mortal existence. Although I am thrilled to see more fathers today, including my 23 year old brother, take a more active role in caring for and raising children, there is a unique ability that women have to nurture. I believe it is a God given gift. The Priesthood, or the authority to act in God's name is a role men have. All however are blessed by nurturing mothers, and all are blessed by the gift of God's power on the earth. That being said, I see no need for a formal change to the role of women in the church. Women in the church are already in presidencies from ward levels, stake levels, and as general officers in the church. Women teach classes and sit on councils. Women are assigned to be visiting teachers which means monthly visiting several other women and offering to provide temporal and spiritual assistance. The church has already given us the foundation to fully contribute to the well being of others. We should not be waiting for somebody to ask us to do something or give an assignment;when we are baptized we covenant to bear one another's burdens, mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. There are plenty out in the world and in our very own congregations who have some kind of burden that can be lifted. If a Mormon woman came to me and said she didn't feel needed or utilized, or equal to the men, then my response would be- Who have you served today and are you 100% devoted to your already given responsibilities? If you don't feel utilized, then start praying for personal revelation to know how to be a better instrument in the hands of God, He has plenty to give you to do!
3.) Single single single...I am keenly aware in every activity I attend, every meeting I participate in, and every other situation, I am single. I told a patient at work that I baked bread over the weekend and she responded- "So, no boyfriend yet huh?" So it's not just a Mormon thing! I'm not really sure how the church can better address the needs of single women. I guess I am unique, but I hope I am not a minority. I have not allowed my single status to define who I am as Mormon woman. I have young married friends, young single friends, old married friends, and old single friends. I offer to babysit frequently for married couples who just want to get away for the evening. I go to the park with moms and their kids so they can have adult conversation while their husbands are on business trips. It is a family-centric church because the whole plan of salvation is about living for eternity as social beings. The prophets and other leaders of the church are always very clear in General Conference and many other public addresses that righteous women are not going to be denied blessing in eternity if they do not marry in this life. I signed up to come to the earth to gain a mortal experience that will help me gain an eternal experience after I die. I signed up for the whole plan, and that includes having a companion for eternity, even if doesn't happen right now. I have studied the teachings of the prophets. I have found that I am told to go be as educated as I can be. I'm told to not settle for anything less then best. Yes, there are more and more single woman approaching age 40, but if I am living the already laid out foundation of doctrines and covenants, it is up to me and my faith how happy I will live my life as a single woman. Members of the church need to stop getting caught up in "Mormon culture" and pay more attention to doctrine. It's already there. The way to happiness single or married is already there. If woman are feeling left out is it not the fault of the church. It's time to take accountability for our happiness. The church is not here to hold our hands, this is a work of the saving of souls and bringing people to Jesus Christ. It is Christ's job to heal broken hearts and hurt feelings. The church is God's organization on earth to help us know where we can find Jesus, the Savior. 

I'd like to hear from you. 

Question 1: How has your role in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints helped you realize your responsibilities as a woman? How has it helped you become a better disciple of Christ? 

Question 2: Even if you are married now, you have spent some portion of your life as a single woman in the church. Did you feel like you were an "issue" that needed to be address? How did/does being single in a family-centric church effect your participation in the church and how did/does it effect your happiness?

Question 3: How does the knowledge that you can receive personal revelation bring you closer to our Heavenly Father? 

 

I'd like to follow up with "Power Part III"  with your answers next Sunday, March 16th, 2014, so leave a comment or send me a private Facebook message. 

 

 

FEBURARY, short but busy month

Let's see, what happened in February?

Everyone has to take selfies right? Don't worry, not while driving! 

COLD freezing rain meant lots of bundled up in warm blankets time!

...it also meant fire in the fireplace at mom and dads while watching Downton Abbey!

Winter Olympic Celebration with friends. Turns out M&M packages are not created equal, a large proportion of blue and yellow, very small proportion of brown and red. Who knew...

And what is an Olympic opening ceremony party without a cake with the rings on it. Here is a link for the recipe.

Of course you already know I made Fish 'n Chips!

The month of love = my mom breaking in my home and leaving me hearts in the shape of a heart surrounding Hershey kisses, flowers, and balloons. How loved am I!!!!

And a fun chocolate treat from a friend. I know, double standard, if it was a girl I'd be totally offended.

And a work our Pain Management Dr. brought in Russo's pizza from Pflugerville. Look how big it is! 28 inch pizza. Yikes!

Dressed up for Ivy's "Galentines" Party. Fancy dinner with just us girls.

Ivy decorated these beautiful cookies!

Made my famous "Honey Boo Boo Mac 'n Cheese" for work. It is always a hit.

Re-posted my favorite Meme.

Still enjoyed the flowers from mom two weeks later. 

Visited Buckee's Gas Station for the first time. WOW, that place is huge !

Added another restaurant to my 2014 Tour of New-To-Me Austin Classics. Bouldin Creek Cafe served me some delicious Sweet Potato and Pecan Tamales. Felt very Austiny in that place. Recommend it.

POWER! I WANT MORE!

If you have ever played Monopoly or Risk with me, you know I lack the ability to heartlessly take out my opponents. I don't like conquering a territory, or negotiating an agreement to sale property. I lack a certain element of competition.  It probably drives my brothers crazy when I play board games with them (although let the record show I voluntarily and with a good attitude played 2 rounds of Monopoly and 2 rounds of Lord of the Rings Risk over Christmas break!).  I have no hunger for power in secular terms. I have no desire to own a business or manage employees. I'll never run for a political position. I don't need to grown an empire. I don't want to have, or be responsible for that kind of power.

There is however another kind of power that I am interested in. Spiritual power. I've spent a lot of time the past six months thinking about the role of righteous men and women of God, and spiritual power that He grants those who make covenants with Him.

As part of this "thinking", I've listened to, and re-listened to these two talks: Sister Carole M. Stephens "Do We Know What We Have?" and Elder Todd D. Christofferson "The Moral Force of Women".   I have also just finished reading Sheri Dew's book "Women and the Priesthood, What One Mormon Woman Believes".

There is in the "Mormon Culture" a group of self Proclaimed Mormon Feminists who feel slighted by inequality in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. After personal study, I myself do not believe that the doctrine of the church is in any way anti-women or anti-equality. I do not deny that culturally there may be a gap between expectations, roles, and responsibilities between men and women, but not in the doctrine. I also admit I am not the most charitable in my private judgements of woman who try to ruffle up feathers and create discord, however a good friend of mine recently reminded me that we are each on our own path of understanding what God's personal plans for us are and all deserve to be able to express what we think and feel on whatever part of the road we are on.

I read an article in the New York Times Titled "Missions Signal a Growing Role for Mormon Women".  I wasn't particularly a fan of the tone the writer took and the way she implied that the Church is so far behind the times and finally with the change in missionary ages is treating women better.  Of course I refer back to my previous comment, I need to be more loving in response to women who do have an overwhelming sense of inequality and have had bad experiences.  The article online gave you a link to comment and share your own experiences. I clicked on it, couldn't pass off the opportunity to express my opinion as a Mormon Woman. The question I chose to respond to was-

Do you feel that your faith encourages or limits women's leadership?

My response:

Encourages! No doubt about it in my mind. I have been encouraged in roles of leadership since the time was the president of the group of 12-13 year-old, then again in a presidency of 14-15, and 16-18. I was the president of the Relief Society organization in my congregation in my mid 20's for almost 3 years. I learned to delegate, conduct meeting, organize service opportunities, teach provident living, and many other things. I have taught Sunday Sunday School. I am currently the chair of a Provident Living Committee and as such I am part of a bi-monthly council that includes leadership of men and women, all having an equal voice. My opinion is sought after and needed in those meetings. I believe that the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints proclaims equality to both men and women and is seen by the the rights and blessings promised to those who practice the faith faithfully. Even within secular organizations roles and expectations may differ for each member of a team. I daresay that no other religious organization in the world affords such leadership opportunities to women. When inequality if felt it is a cultural oversight that needs attention, but the doctrine. I'm a single woman in my 30's. I desire most to be a mother, but my life is not void of joy, fulfillment, and accomplishment as a Mormon woman because I lack a husband or children. My experiences in leadership over the past 20 years have spilled over into my secular learning, my professional experience, and will one day help me be the best darn mom a child could hope for.

Here is what else I wanted to add, quoting Sheri Dew...

"Women hold all the administrative and teaching offices in the Relief Society, which is now one of the oldest, largest, and most influential women's organizations in the world, numbering more than 6.5 million members in some 185 nations. They also hold all the administrative and teaching offices in the Young Women organization...they preside over and fill most teaching assignments in the Primary...and beyond these organizational roles, women are often at the center of gospel teaching, compassionate services, and humanitarian outreach." 

Sheri Dew also tells of the history of the organization of the Relief Society in 1842. At that time, "society at large was still highly patriarchal and, as such, strictly limiting of women's rights. Woman couldn't vote, let alone hold office or even exert political influence (The landmark Seneca Falls Convention, where the push for women's suffrage began in earnest, was still six years away.) Most women were denied higher education, and many weren't formally educated at all...it was still unusual for women to own property. And some physical violence against women was not only tolerated socially but protected by law! The bottom line? In 1842, many still viewed women as being just a rung higher on the social ladder than prisoners."

"It was in stark contrast to the conventions of the day for the leader of an organization-any organization, not to mention the leader of a religion- to give women significant time and attention. If Joseph Smith had been taking his cues from his circumstances or the social or political climate, he likely would not have organized the women. But he was taking his direction from the Lord."

So what is my point in all this. My point is that over 150 years ago, the Lord proved that Women are highly favored, highly valued, and not just allowed to participate in great religious work, but expected to rise to the occasion. AND, it goes back further than 150 years. Jesus Christ himself was a champion for women. The New Testament spotlights women in an oppressive era who were given opportunities to teach, to serve, and granted the sacred role of taking care of the very body of The Lord Himself in the tomb. The fight women and champions of women should be taking on is not about having more then we currently have, because we have already been promised by God himself that when we make covenants with Him, the blessings of heaven and Eternal Life are ours. I think Sister Stephens talk is brilliantly titled, Do We Know What We Have? If you focus on what you perceive you are lacking, you miss the entire point of it all. Why do we as a society of Mormon woman think we should be pursuing something different from what God has already offered us? He has offered us all that He has.

I want power. I want spiritual power. I want to stop living beneath my privilege of what I could have. 

To end this terribly long blog of my ramblings, here is one more quote by Sheri Dew. 

"I believe that the moment we learn to unleash the full influence of converted, covenant-keeping women, the kingdom of God will change overnight. There will be more worthy couples sealed in the temple forge ahead with strength and unity. There will be more children born in the covenant. There will be more virtuous women and men and more virtuous youth. More confidence by men, women, and children that can hear the voice of the Spirit and receive revelation. More teenagers finding ways to serve others rather then being mesmerized by a steady diet of entertainment..More conviction about holding firm to our beliefs while loving others who see the world differently and honoring their right to do so. More capacity to discern between right and wrong, between truth and error. More righteous influence in families, in communities, throughout the Church, and the world." 

I don't want something different from what doctrine God has already revealed. I want the more that comes from accessing what He has already promised. Don't you? Yep, I want more!