***I've debated writing this blog post for at least a week. I write it not to plead for sympathy or fish for compliments. Just a few insights I've had, some conclusions I've come to, and something I need to figure out how to work on...
Three months ago I bought a heart rate monitor to help me see my fitness level. I started a push-up challenge. I was feeling beautiful, fit, confident, and young and healthy.
I noticed about three weeks ago that I was feeling neither fit or confident, and certainly not beautiful. Something changed. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I was still going to the gym. I was getting up to my target heart rate with my run. I was running faster and longer. I was doing great at work, spending time with family and friends, staying busy...trying to live life happily.
Then last week I finally figured out what had changed. Recently a friendship-relationship that I have been in for a few years took a dramatic turn. I was forced into accepting that this friendship would indeed NOT progress to something beyond. Although my heart was broken, I was going forward pretty darn good. I had gotten through the anger, which was a huge burden to be lifted! I am learning to deal with just missing my friend. The unexpected side-effect was feeling a lack of confidence and not feeling beautiful. When he was in the picture, I always felt attractive, beautiful, valued, and respected. It wasn't because of a profuse outpouring of compliments. It was a subtle look, or smile, or a simply sweet phrase at the right moments. I don't think of myself as one who needs constant reassurance, I can muster up a sincere enthusiastic positive attitude on the darkest day...but I never knew how big of an effect loving someone else would have on your own opinion of yourself.
Beauty is not simply a combination of the right make-up, a cute hair style, or a skinny body. Nope, it is a reflection of characteristics from within...one of them being your ability
to love and to be loved.
Now that I've identified the source of the change...I guess I can work on it.
Three months ago the answer was simply to love.
That's where I'll have to start...
2 comments:
A therapist who helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life had a principle that she would remind me of again and again. She called it "the order of love". When you think about love, it can be from or for three groups, God, yourself, and others. Her thesis was that only putting these things in proper order can you healthily emotionally and spiritually. I think though put in slightly different terms, Stephen R. Covey taught this in his book "The Divine Center". It's what Ezra Taft Benson spoke about when he said that when we put God first all other things fall into their proper place.
God's love is primary and is always there to for us to receive. We are to seek to love God first, "We love him, because he first loved us."
Next we need to have love for ourselves. Put in proper perspective, this isn't the pop psychology of Stuart Smalley, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." This blog post explains it in a way that fits very well in this framework:
http://www.drwally.org/moving-from-selfhood/making-peace-with-ourselves-some-kinds-of-esteem-matter-more-than-others/
Love for ourselves is largely expressed in seeing that our needs are met.
Last, we are to receive and give love to others. It is only when we have love for God and ourselves that we can healthily love others. Good examples of *not* doing things in the proper order includes things that are easy for us as church members to get caught up in. Sacrificing everything for your calling, for service, and even for your family is not what God requires of us.
In essence, "See that these things are done in wisdom and order."
I think Enos is one of the clearest examples from the scripture of having the order of love right. Even though it is not explicitly stated, it is obvious that Enos had great love for God. How can you have words concerning eternal life (or life as God lives) sink deep into your heart without having a love for God.
What he seeks in prayer exemplifies regarding both love of God and love of self. "If you love me, keep my commandments." I think repentance ("mighty prayer and supplication for my own soul") is keeping the commandments. And I can't think of a better way of having love for yourself than to seek repentance and for your soul. And Enos greatly feels the love of God as he is told that his sins are forgiven because of his faith in Christ (how can you have faith in him without loving him?).
What Enos does next finishes off the 3 areas of love perfectly. Once Enos had love for and felt from God and therefore having love for himself, pleading for his own soul, Enos prayed on behalf of others. He shows how we should also do things in the proper order when loving others. He first prayed for his people. Though not stated, I imagine that he first prayed for his family, then his people. Then, he was able to reach out and have love for even his enemies.
I think it is a beautiful story that illustrates how we are to look at ourselves and the world. When Enos asked how his sins were forgiven (he was seeking this, for his own soul), it was because of His faith (or love) of Christ. He was not able to get his own needs met without first having God's love and love for God. And it wasn't until he experienced the love of God and himself that he was able to extend that love to others.
To come back to your question in this blog entry's title, you feel beautiful by following the order of love. I don't think anyone, not even the world's "most beautiful" model, can really feel beautiful if these things are out of order.
This life is for us to figure out how to put these things into place.
Beautiful post and beautiful you are! Inside and out! And in that great dress you wore today!
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