***I've debated writing this blog post for at least a week. I write it not to plead for sympathy or fish for compliments. Just a few insights I've had, some conclusions I've come to, and something I need to figure out how to work on...
Three months ago I bought a heart rate monitor to help me see my fitness level. I started a push-up challenge. I was feeling
beautiful, fit, confident, and young and healthy.
I noticed about three weeks ago that I was feeling neither fit or confident, and certainly not beautiful. Something changed. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I was still going to the gym. I was getting up to my target heart rate with my run. I was running faster and longer. I was doing great at work, spending time with family and friends, staying busy...trying to live life
happily.
Then last week I finally figured out what had changed. Recently a friendship-relationship that I have been in for a few years took a dramatic turn. I was forced into accepting that this friendship would indeed NOT progress to something beyond. Although my heart was broken, I was going forward pretty darn good. I had gotten through the anger, which was a huge burden to be lifted! I am learning to deal with just missing my friend. The unexpected side-effect was feeling a lack of confidence and not feeling beautiful. When he was in the picture, I always felt attractive, beautiful, valued, and respected. It wasn't because of a profuse outpouring of compliments. It was a subtle look, or smile, or a simply sweet phrase at the right moments. I don't think of myself as one who needs constant reassurance, I can muster up a sincere enthusiastic positive attitude on the darkest day...but I never knew how big of an effect loving someone else would have on your own opinion of yourself.
Beauty is not simply a combination of the right make-up, a cute hair style, or a skinny body. Nope, it is a reflection of characteristics from within...one of them being your ability
to love and
to be loved.
Now that I've identified the source of the change...I guess I can work on it.
Three months ago the answer was simply to love.
That's where I'll have to start...
