Family is Destiny

I love this quote from an article I read this morning by Sharon Eubanks titled "A Letter to a Single Sister":

“For me, Christmas morning emphasizes my singleness like no other time. The temptation is to allow my “category” to be an excuse to be sad or to never take initiative. Once I started hosting Christmas and planning family events, it made a difference in how I felt and how I was viewed in my family.The change reminded me that family isn’t only being a spouse and a parent. There are things I can do as an aunt that a parent cannot do, and I try to be aware and perform those well. Being a good sibling, daughter, granddaughter, and aunt are not throwaway roles. They are sacred. You and I have much to contribute; and we will be held accountable.

Fitting into a Church focused on family can also be challenging. But the reality is that a majority of Church members do not live in perfect family situations. I’m not sure anyone lives in that perfect, ideal family. So why keep the emphasis? Because family is our destiny, and we are on this earth to learn the skills of strong family relationships, no matter what our own situation is.”

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2019/10/a-letter-to-a-single-sister?lang=eng

I can add my own personal witness to this wise statement by Sharon Eubanks. 

Hosting family events is very important as a single woman. Most recently I got to plan a Gender Reveal party for my awesome brother and sister-in-law. 

Yesterday I attended my nieces fourth birthday party. It was unicorn themed and she told us we could dress up or not. As a gift I have offered her a play date, an afternoon of doing anything she wants. One of my suggestions was going to Mt. Playmore. She said to me, “you have enough money to go to Mount Playmore? Wow!” My role as an aunt is definitely not throwaway.

I am "Tia Tamara" to friends children and get to attend their life events.  Faith made me so proud doing cross country this year. She learned she can do hard things! 

Also yesterday I went to the Texas Longhorn football game with my mom. It was her first Game at the stadium since she broke her leg back in July.  with my dad’s injured back, and my mom’s ankle still healing, my parents offered me the tickets, but my mom was the person I wanted to go with the most. I knew that she could physically handle the walk from the parking garage and going up the steps, she just needed some  encouragement. It’s a beautiful thing to be an adult and to have your mom as your best friend. 

This summer I took a friends daughters to Whataburger so they could experience fast food burgers. That's right, not a lot of fast food has been experienced in their lives, it was a blast! 

And here I am helping a friend build shelves in her new home! 

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we "minister" to "sisters" in our congregation. Ministering is building relationships.  I have become friends with a sweet sister who is blind. My companion to minister to this sister made a sensory birthday card for Eartha to feel to help her "see" how much we love her. 

I have a very fulfilling role as a SISTER. This week I shared a homemade potato soup with my brother and he and I caught up on a few hours of a TV show we like together. Earlier this year my brothers, dad, and I attended College Game Day at University of Texas at Austin. 

Once more, Sharon Eubanks said, 

"But the reality is that a majority of Church members do not live in perfect family situations. I’m not sure anyone lives in that perfect, ideal family. So why keep the emphasis? Because family is our destiny, and we are on this earth to learn the skills of strong family relationships, no matter what our own situation is."

I may not have the title of wife and mother, but I am not without family relationships. Family is not only my destiny, but family is the most important part of my current life status. Family in many forms, sister, daughter, aunt, and friend. I would welcome the title of wife and mother some day. I’m may be single and 39, and a member of a church where many are confused as to my lack of husband and children, but my life is enough and more!

4th Half Makes Two Wholes?

Yes, I paid a bunch of money to run another Half Marathon. I officially started my training the end of August. Let me just say, if I can't go to a soft gravel trail like Pflugerville Lake (which actually makes speed hard, thank you Jamie P for that obvious to everyone else info) or Lady Bird Lake, I'm quite happy to run on a treadmill. Street running is boring. Which is funny, because the races I do are all pavement. I know, I'm weird.  Running with a good music playlist and the treadmill showing me time, pace, and mileage just puts me in a zone. It's my self care, it's decompressing, it's my cardio, and it makes me conquer hard things. I also only run twice a week on average. I don't run much more then that for two reasons, one, my knees start speaking to me if I run 3-4 a week, and two, I have other workouts I enjoy doing, like Body Pump (choreographed weights) and Body Combat (mixed martial arts/choreographed kickboxing). 

 I digress... I started my training August 28th. On August 31st I ran 7 miles in 63 minutes, probably a personal best on the treadmill.  The next Saturday I ran it in 62:50. By September 8th I started my 8 mile runs. That day I challenged my brother to 8 miles. I did it in 73:41. I think his time was 73:50. BAM!  September was a hot month in Texas. I'm a wimp when it comes to humidity and running outside in Texas so it wasn't until October 5th that I did my first long run outside. I went to Lake Pflugerville for a 10 mile run. It's a 3 mile loop. Usually the wind whips off the water, but the lake is super low right now, and that gave it less wind. I was not happy at all with my time. I did it in 1:48:40.  It was super hard and at one point I stopped and wanted to cry. It was also in the 80's by the time I finished. I decided that I needed to bump up my nutrition and my hydration and spend the week focusing on that. No sweets during the week and more fruits and veggies. The next weekend I decided to try it again. This time it was in the 50's when I started. There was more wind, and my left ear bud never synched. BUT, I ran with less fatigue and I felt so much better. 

I ran 10 in 1:43, 5 minutes faster. 

Now as you can see, I am not a fast runner by running standards. Outside I am lucky if I average a 10 minute mile. On the treadmill I average 9:05 minute miles.  But I love the way I feel after I finish a run. I feel on top of the world. I know many people don't run, because it is hard. It is hard! But I can do hard things. That became my mantra for my 4th Half Marathon, and second attempt at the Hill Country Halloween Half on October 26, 2019.  

My first Half Marathon was April 1st, 2017, the "I Ran Marathons" in San Antonio. I did it in 2:26:52. Then March 2018 I did the "Zooma" Half at Lost Pines in 2:26:41. Those hills about killed me! Then October 2018 I did the "Hill Country Halloween Half" in 2:12:11.

Yesterday morning I lined up with the crowd at 7:30am. I had a really cute tank top with a skeleton print, but it was 48 degrees F and a pumpkin jacket from a previous 5K covered it up. I had my belt with gatorade, Guu, and 4 kleenex (one for every 3 miles if needed). My ear buds were charged and synched. I lined up between the 2:10 and 2:20 pacer flags. I wanted to do it in 2:10, but wasn't sure I could really do that. Fun side note, the guy holding the pacer flag was the son of a former patient of mine. I actually saw him last year when he was just a participant.

 On your mark, get set, go!  7:32 am we were off! I had a mental plan for the race. Mile 2 I'd think of my nephew Logan. Mile 4 I'd think of Abby my niece, and mile 6 I'd think of Adam. When it got tough I focused on the beat of the music, or thinking about friends I associated with songs. (Michelle Clements gets "Sexy Chick" and Suzanne Harman gets "My Body".) I thought about my mom and how she can do hard things, she's bouncing back from a broken ankle. I kept up with the 2:10 pacer miles 1-3 and even passed him up for awhile on mile 3 (9:25 pace). Mile four I started to slow a little (10:00), but still felt good. Mile 5 had a hill (10:16). Mile 6 was a gradual downhill (9:28), I love down hill!  But let me tell you, mile 8 was a BEAST!  The whole mile is a gradual hill. That is when I lost the pacer group, I never could catch back up. Looking back I was shocked though, I still managed 10:24 for that hill. During that time a slow song came up on my playlist. I started to change it to something more powerful, but the song was "Novidade", a Brazilian song in honor of my dad. My dad is tough, he can do hard things!  I kept ploughing through to Novidade!  Somewhere during mile 9 (9:55) my right hip flexors started getting angry. My pace and my motivation started to slow. Mile 10 was the worst, 11:55 due to a sore body and a FAST potty stop that probably cost me 45 seconds. Mile 11 was 11:12, and mile 12 I played leap frog with another woman who was clearly struggling. She would stop and stretch or pound on her left hamstring, and I would pass her, then I would slow to a fast walk and pound on my hip with my fist and she would pass me. Somewhere on this mile 12 (11:34) I passed her and never saw her again.  Mile 12 and 13 actually went by fast in my mind. By now I knew my mom and my brother and his family were waiting at the finish line (thank goodness for encouraging text messages). Knowing people are there at the end keeps you going, literally!!! And there they were.

I crossed the finish line with my personal tracker saying 2:15:14, and it felt good. Not my 2:10 goal, but better then my fears told me I would do the few days before race.

(Thank you Emily for this photo!)

Here's a comparison of my last 3 races.  I think if my hip hadn't started screaming at me, my last 4 miles would have been faster, but I'm still completely satisfied with my race yesterday.

So then I went to eat breakfast with my brother and his delightful family, then home and put on compression stocks and elevated my feet while lying on the floor. The rest of the day was spent hydrating, eating, resting, watching football, and sporting my race temporary tattoo and new race shirt.

Here is my cross training calendar, my cool finisher medal, and the gorgeous bouquet my mom gave me divided into a variety of vases.

And a delicious pizza to round out the day!

I CAN DO HARD THINGS! 

The House of the Lord

A few weeks ago I was in a class at church and the instructor asked us to turn to the person next to us and share one thing we know without a doubt to be true. The lady next to me said, "I know when I go to the temple it feels different than any other place on earth". I could instantly relate.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe temples are the House of the Lord. When I walk in the doorway I instantly feel a burden lifted off my shoulders. 

My love of the temple has a lot to do with this woman, my grandmother Aline. Aline has such a love for the temple work and for doing family history work.

She literally had their family move from Canada to Salt Lake City in the 1960's so she could be close to the Genealogy Library. It was that important to her.

I love to go spend time in the temple to reflect on the purpose of life and to perform vicarious work for those who have passed on without learning of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Recently I was completing vicarious work for 5 ancestors that my grandmother researched and sent for me do. My grandmother's health is not well and I had the thought that these names were even more precious because they might be some of the last from her. I can of course do the research myself and find ancestors who need temple work done, but for 10 years my grandmother has been the one to gather and prepare all the information. I also had the thought that as I was helping bring others into the family of God with the vicarious work.  I was also adding to the giant welcome party I envision to great my grandmother one day she leaves this mortal existence. It was a comforting thought.

I love to see the temple, and I try to go often because indeed it makes me feel things I feel in no other place on this earth. Thank you Grandma for sharing your love of the temple with me.

San Antonio Temple 2007

Nauvoo Temple 2012

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Rexburg, Idaho 2013

Provo Town Center Temple 2016

 

If you want to learn more about temples of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints you can visit...

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples?lang=eng

No Such Thing

No Such Thing, Sara Bareilles

Lyrics

I feel you, it's like you're in the next room
At any given moment, you could reappear
Thin air, you're out there in it somewhere
If I could only get there, I could breathe again

Tell me how to start
What comes after you?
I am in the dark
Love what now?

No such thing as over you
I don't want it anyway
I wouldn't even try to
If I don't let go, then there is
No such thing as over this
I've tried to get over you, over you, over you
But I think there's no such thing

I started listening to this song last week. Apparently it is about Barack Obama, but also clearly a post break up song. I haven't had a break up. I'm not hung up on a man, but this song has been speaking to my soul. I belt it out in the car, or I sing along in my head while working out at the gym. 

Like I said, I am not pining away for any specific man, but over the past 8 years I've spend thousands of little moments wondering if the feeling of loving a once upon a time specific man will ever return. "No such thing as over you", in this case, "you" is loving someone. I'll never get over how it felt. It's as if "you" really could be in the next room, appear out of thin air, and sometimes I miss the feeling, and it really is hard to breathe. And she's right, I don't really want to get over "you", because then there would be no hope that I'll feel it again some day. 

Mother's Day

The first American "Mother's Day" concept arose in 1870 by the suffragette's promoting world peace. One of the suffragette's daughters named Anna Jarvis conceived of Mother’s Day as a way of honoring the sacrifices mothers made for their children. In 1908 she held a Mother's day Celebration in the Methodist church and in 1914 it became an official holiday. Ultimately Anna decried how commercial the holiday turned into and disowned it. Around the world various cultures over time have had holidays honoring motherhood and women. 

It should come as no surprise that Mother's Day is a tricky holiday. I personally have a friend whose mother died 5 years ago from ALS and every mother's day she is reminded of how much the loss of her mother hurts. Another friend was disowned by her mother and has no contact with her even though she is still living, she mourns this day as well. There are people who find pain in mother's day because they have lost a child, or cannot have a child. Then people like me who have the most wonderful mom on the face of the planet and finds joy in celebrating her. However, I am also a single woman who is keenly aware that at age 38 the window of opportunity to actually bear a child is closing so rapidly it makes my heart ache. Then there are mothers who have multiple children and suffer on mother's day because they feel they are never enough. And finally, there are the men, the father's and sons and husbands who might also be lead to believe on this day that they fall short and feel their efforts to honor the woman in their lives will never be good enough either. All of these of course are wicked tactics that the Adversary uses to distract us from the divinity of the role womanhood/motherhood. Satan can turn anything good into sadness if we let him. He is after all the great deceiver.  My three year old niece, unprompted, told her mom yesterday, “you have to share with me for Mother’s Day mom. Cuz all the mother’s are girls, and I’m a girl”.  How wise is she! (Her thought totally pulled me out of my Woe is me attitude about to today.)

So why with all the hurt do I think this day has redeeming value? As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I believe that there are actual divine roles inherit in woman and men. In today's world that belief is becoming more and more radical. We are living in a society that is becoming more acceptive of the philosophy that gender is fluid.  We all have a varying degree of the divine gift to nurture, and both men and woman can nurture. However I strongly believe that gender is part of our eternal identify, who we were as spirits, who we are, and will be. Eve was called a mother before she had children.  "Eve was given the identity of 'the mother of all living'...before she ever bore a child. It would appear that her motherhood preceded her maternity, just as surely as the perfection of the Garden preceded the struggles of mortality. I believe mother is one of those very chosen words, one of those rich words- with meaning after meaning after meaning. We must not, at all cost, let that word divide us. I believe with all my heart that it is first and foremost a statement about nature, not a head count of our children." ("One thing Needful: Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ", Ensign Oct 1987, 33). 

Celebrating Mother's day from a religious perspective is not just a day to say thank you. It's not about a single trinket rose to say you are important.  If we celebrate it all in church, it's not about the cheesecake (I'll get back to why the cheesecake is important). It is a day to honor the divine role of woman. Celebrating Mother's day in the church should mean saying we recognize the important roles that women play in the plan of Salvation. It means we recognize that a woman will often default to thinking she is never enough, but she is enough and more.  Her nature precedes the head count of her children.  The use of cheesecake, or chocolate, or anything else tasty on Mother's day is not about giving a gift, but it should be about giving the woman a chance to gather together, be lifted up in their womanhood, and to be reminded over and over again that they are indeed enough because of their divine identity. Otherwise, it just as Anna Jarvis mourned, another commercial holiday meant to make money by  businesses, and make despair by the Adversary. 

Easter Reflections and Worship

A week ago I was thinking about how I wanted to worship on Easter. I believe in a Resurrected Lord and Savior of the World, even Jesus Christ. However generally haven't made Easter much a sacred day, although I celebrate it with good food and fun. Two days later my family received the heartbreaking news that my paternal grandmother has been stricken with liver cancer and it is terminal. Instantly so many emotions were felt, and soon I realized that this Easter has more meaning and purpose than ever before. 

I had to say to myself, yes, I really do believe that Jesus Christ Atoned for all mankind, was crucified, and rose again on the third day and that He Lives. HE LIVES! And because He lives, there is a plan of Redemption and Happiness for all of God's Children. That means that even though there will be sadness and grief ahead, I believe life does not end when ones soul leaves their mortal body. I'm already mourning the event that medicine vaguely labels at 6-12 months, like what does that really mean? But my mourning has also turned to celebration and a recognition of that core beliefs that I know are sustaining me. 

My favorite part of the Easter Account is Mary finding the empty tomb. You can just feel the grief in her heart when she says, "Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away". And then the Risen Lord calls her by name, because He knew her personally, as He knows all of our names, because He has borne all of our pains and sorrows and grief. As my own heart prepares for the inevitable loss of loved ones throughout this life, I have found such peace this week reflecting on the Resurrection of the the Savior of mankind.

Here are a few ways I have enjoyed blooming where I'm planted, and worshiped God  for the gift of the 

promise of the Resurrection this Easter Season. 

Celebrated Texas Bluebonnets with my favorite people in the whole wide world

Found joy in the wildflowers that came back  for the second year in a row. This one survived my neighbor mowing the space where our yards meet and destroying a few others!  

Fulfilled my duties as an Aunt and took the kids on the Zilker Zypher Train. 

Celebrated 3 years of being a homeowner.  I love my house! 

Discovered that a Dove made a nest in a hanging plan on my front porch. 

Made my grandma's German Torte for Easter Dessert. 

These beauties blossomed for the first time this season, today, Easter Morning!  How Glorious is that! 

Can't get enough of my knock out roses! 

And found joy in making my Sabbath mornings a delight with uplifting music...

Olive

On February 10, 1909, Olive Cox was born in England. She became my Great-Grandma Vaile. I was blessed to have her in my life until I was 26 years old. She passed away in 2006. Since my cousin reminded me today of her birthday, I have been reflecting on this woman. I found a few photos from scrap books. This one is from 1990. I got to go to a Vaile Family Reunion in Canada. I wasn't quite 10 years old but went with my Grandma Aline Kelm and my uncle Warren. My memory mostly consists of idolizing my dad's cousin Robin, and hearing aides screeching during some gathering.  And I still have my own pink hat!  Olive Cox came out West from across the pond to find a cowboy.  She married Ralph Vaile. I also think of her has a strong brave woman to cross the ocean in the early 1900's, leaving her home behind her.

This one is from my uncle Warren's wedding.  I'm on the right. If you look at the photo below you get a better shot of the necklace Grandma Vaile gave me to wear with my dress for the wedding. She declined my returning of it and I have cherished it as a gift ever since.

I'm not sure when this was taken, but it is a photo of my grandma Aline with great-grandma Olive. Just as I did growing up with Aline, I wrote corresponded with Olive. Today I pulled out the letters. I love the one where she talks about Wolf and Aline coming to Texas to hear the Three Tenors soon. She said she was always partial to Tom Jones and country music. She said she babysat my dad and his siblings while Aline and Wolf travelled to Europe. She said Orlando changed a record from country music to opera and she could have strangled him!

Today on Olive's birthday, I will don her pearls once again, and put on her mother's gold wedding band. (Elizabeth Davies Cox was married in 1899 to Peter Cox.)  I can't wait to see Olive again one day when my adventure on this earth is over.