"Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?"

Recently I threw myself a giant pity party. I attended a "Singles" event that sent me home in tears. I won't go into the details of that, but I've got plenty to say on a personal level as you read on.

After the event I got home and put on my comfy pj's. I got out peanut M&M's and a peanut butter cup and smashed the life out of them. My sweet mom said, "what are you doing?", my reply, " crushing candy to put over some ice cream".  I'm sure she was referring to the force to which I was smashing the candy, but I didn't want to start crying by talking. Then I watched a few Gilmore Girl's episodes. When my parents had gone to bed, I let the crying come. I'm talking big tears and inconsolable sobbing. Just before midnight after deciding that crying was stupid and I couldn't breathe of out my nose, I washed my face then laid down and tried to go to sleep. As the clock struck midnight I heard a faint- "beep beep beep, beep beep beep". My lost watch! I popped out of bed and ran down the hallway listening for what room the sound came from. I suspected the TV room recliner had eaten it, but the sound came from the bathroom. It stopped when I got there but I knew it was in the bathroom. I started opening up drawers. Finally, in a basket of hair accessories under the sink, my watch was found!

The next morning with a dull, tender heart, I started reading the Sunday School lesson. In Mark 4:36-41 is the account of Jesus asleep on the boat and being awoken in the storm by the distraught disciples. He calms the sea and in verse 40 he says, "Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?"

It spoke to me. How is it that I let fear wipe out the good things? The day before consisted of a great workout at my favorite class with my best friend, followed by a DELICIOUS brunch with my best friend, followed by 2 hours of holding a teeny tiny baby. Seriously, not too shabby of a day.

Back to the watch. There I was crying, praying for peace, and yet my pride was actually preventing me from feeling peace and being comforted. When I finally was still, I heard my watch alarm. As I've thought about this I've come up with two lessons. One, seeing as it was a watch, "It will all come to pass in my timing, not your timing". Two, it was as if my Heavenly Father told me- no, I can't give you what you are really asking for right now, but I'm in the details, see, here is your lost watch. Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?

I'm missing hope right now. I'm seeing a future that I desire fade. Where is that faithful husband who will raise kids with me? Thankfully I know that fear does not come from a loving God, and what I'm feeling I can almost entirely blame on fear. 

Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?

Yesterday was a top notch Women's Conference.  The topic was hope. I seriously walked away thinking- duh, life is hard, so what? It is still joyful when you have hope.

2 Nephi 31:20
Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

I need to find and hold on tightly to hope.

Luckily, this week was full of my path crossing the likes of Jamie Peterson, Heather Larsen, Jessica Wyeth, Rachel Knight, Margaret Hanson, Melissa Smith, Kristin Allington, Virginia Elizondo, Nadia Ali, Marisol Sauceda, Jefra Rees, Lisa Anderson, Sandra Spencer, Rebecca Jackson, Darelene Cluff, Tonia Kelm, Danielle Krause ...and on, and on, and on... there's a lot of reason to hope.

So, I'll press forward, searching for my perfect brightness of hope...

Margaret Konteck

Once upon a time, in the city of Berlin, there was a woman named Anita Kelm and a woman named Margaret Konteck. Somewhere in the 1930's Margaret shared with her the message of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ with Anita. Frau Konteck was an insurance client of my great-grandfather Helmut Kelm, Anita's husband. As was the custom of the day, Margaret came to the house to pay her insurance premiums. In 1939 the missionaries began teaching Anita and her children, Wolfgang and Gisela. The story of these three is well documented. They are even mentioned in the book "In Harm's Way, East German Latter-Day Saints in World War II" by Roger M. Minert.  Helmut Kelm was not so keen on the church and would not give permission for his family to be baptized. In 1945 while he was off in the war and Berlin was experiencing air raids, and Anita was taking her children to church. In the words of my opa Wolfgang Kelm, as recorded in "In Harm's Way", on February 3, 1945,

 "There was no public transportation in operation, so we set out early to walk to the meeting room on top of some building on Thaerstrasse. After walking for over an hour through the still burning ruins of Berlin we arrived at our destination, only to find it in ruins too. Young as I was in years [twelve], I had a feeling of great loss. The Church was literally gone out of my life."

But the Church was not really out of his life. On February 25, 1945, Anita, Gisela, and Wolfgang were among the last convert baptisms into the Church in Berlin during World War II.

"It was decided to forgo the customary permission from the father and husband of baptismal candidates and baptize [my family] before the world came to an end. At this time the Russian armies stood at the gates of Berlin, awaiting the order for the final assault on the capital of the crumbling Third Reich. So on February 25 1945, in the little pool in the factory building in Berlin, my mother, my sister, and myself were baptized by one Fredrich Wernick. The water was 7 degrees Celsius. Even though I was young, I did not like the cold water much."

The Kelm family survived the air raids.  They survived Russians. Miraculously their apartment survived the destruction of Berlin while they had a brief escape in Poland. They went on to immigrate to Canada, and then on to the United States.

There is today a continued legacy of multiple generations still seeking to have the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as a dominating influence in their lives. Just last week, my father, son of Wolfgang, reconnected with a man he taught the gospel to in Brazil in the late 1970's. This man's daughter is waiting for her own call to be a missionary. This tree of influence continues to spread it's branches. For the Kelm family it started with Margaret Konteck.

Sadly, we have very little information about this lady. Her story seems to have vanished. I'm putting this blog out into the world in hopes that maybe, just maybe, somebody will know who this lady was. Because she shared the gospel with a friend in the 1930's, the influence of the descendants of the Anita Kelm's family has touched Germany, Canada, the United States, Brazil, Argentina, Japan, and beyond. Thank you Frau Konteck, we hope to meet you one day.

Anita and Helmut

Wolfgang, Anita, Gisela

Anita 1975